This is so lame

But has anybody taken the time to realize... how cool Jeffree Star is? Like past the whole scene raver, crazy ass looks, like reading his profiel was.. wierd. He's surpsingly poetic, and really strong worded. I might have a obbession with Jeffree Stars's writing. ahaa. Like really.. i WISH i could right like him, but i have neither the expirence or the no-how. ah




^^^^
This picture stunns me, for some odd reason, and it's not because 1) he has blood runnign down his face or 2) this is a guy lookign like a girl, it's weird.. so abnormally wierd that i'm fascinated with bubblegum pink Jeffree Star, because i thought he would discgust me, and for a while he did. ahhhh.

"The appearance of my own body is cut and dissected every time I breathe. My horror of beauty is not when I’m laying naked on the bathroom floor, but when I’m staring at myself, wondering what’s underneath the painted-on feelings and made-up eyes. I’m not a fucking beauty queen. When I walk into the bathroom, I’m not getting pretty.. I’m destroying myself. Repairing myself from the damage I’ve done. Whether YOU like it or NOT. The ceiling of fear crashes down on me when I pick up the latest fashion magazine and find that no one else looks like me. But what is ME? Where has the word "real" gone to? Maybe reality is blonde hair, plastic body parts, tan skin and porcelain teeth? I think it’s sweaty skin, smeared lipstick and a big mouth, being afraid of nothing and truly LOVING yourself without BEING someone else. The vanity sanctuary will keep me safe and you can try to break me down but you’re only hurting yourself, just like you’re supposed to be doing.

I’ll be dying in my makeup and you’ll be dying without it. Did you have a point? Because somewhere in your own special ugliness you lost meaning and I forgot what you said. So center the text and write some more, it’s all mine..and its all needneedneed.
Memememememe."

"I'm a getaway car for real feelings. I'm your Miss Methamphetamine, the truth shoved up your nose. Smile, with your gasoline teeth and forced empathy. Let me be the one thing that makes your heart break because you can't help it. You need someone like me to make you feel wrong. "

"Because unlike every other bitch on this myspace.com hype, I prefer being under the floor with the worms while you all crash around in the ten inch stilletos you don't need, tripping all over one another's bullshit that drags as far behind you as your fake faces. I like being solitary and refined. I like people passing over me when my face isn't on. Unlike all the angstmonger kiddie-hoppers on myspace, I mean it when I say I COULD CARE LESS and that I am ONLY HERE TO SCREAM MY OPINIONS and I could really GIVE A SHIT LESS IF IT MATTERS TO YOU. "

"
THEY care because they need the hits, the friends, the name that rides currents. They need to be part of the radiowaves that bring anyone else to attention. They need people to turn their heads when they say the same thing everyone else does in the same voice with the same face and in the same $60 pants that were worn in by the same asian kids getting paid the same bum change in the same factory living the same miserable fucking life.

You didn't buy those clothes at a fucking thrift shop. Your idea of vintage is a boy scout shirt complete with badges you never earned nor even understand the symbols of on fucking sale for $99.50, cause the halfbuck is so much less when you don't care where your mommy and daddy's credit card is used. Parading in Prada when you're so fucking punk and XXXtothefuckingCORE that you'll damn the system and bitch when your sister's pants rip at the seam because YOUR ASS DOES NOT FIT, UGLYSCENEBOY."

" I don't expect you to leave me the fuck alone, to erase the word enigma from your minds and thinks me unimportant. I can hope, but we all hope for silly things, don't we?"


"I'm an icon to the teenage underground world. Even JonBenet Ramsey wanted to be me. My sparkling razor sharp tiaras that Miss America style-jacked from me. You'll soon see me inside every magazine, 6 page layouts of me pretending like I have real feelings. My eyes are hidden from the sun beneath huge fake eyelashes and my wrist says "fake" and "vanity" obviously contradicting everything I've already said ??andthenandthenandthen? For an instant, everything feels so important.. almost real.

Everything is monotone like my dead fucking eyes and I'll say "I'm the only Miss America. I'm what your mother was supposed to be. I'm perfect.""



GOD. It's like insane. I'm going to go clean some more. You should ponder on Jeffree Star now. hahah

Mackenzie told me about her

and i would have to say...
ALICE GLASS IS THE COOLEST PERSON

Today

Should be good,
I'm considering canceling my plans with Jack,
I don't want to get him sick...
If i don't today should be good.
;)

Outwardly

Its the same as always, walking through everything, and being everything i should, but inwardly i'm starting to crumble at my lost innocence, and the loss of another year.

I'm going to miss everyone and everythign noi matter how annoying and gross this year, evern Mrs. Reuax,
but mostly i'm going to miss.. How everythign some how set itself right this year at the end, how we were all broken up, spread around and... for teh last days we were all together in some way. I don't know how to put into words.

It's that simple, this topic of my blog should probably belong to someone else, because i'm not doing it justice

How about you all listen?

I'm feel i'm falling out of whatever i'm in,

And i crawl back to YOU

And the funny thing is i'm dieing from it

and it all comes back to the way i sit and wait

For your name to appear of my phone, or my message list

And like last summer, i smell a break up

I'm going to pretend though, that i don't care

I'm deaf and blind and why the hell wouldn't i be stupid with you

I'm not moving but back to you and it's shooting pains in me like always.

Ughhh

My cough is not going away, and my fever is back, this stupid sick stuff sucks...

I really need to post more i've just been really caught up in things, and very tired... and sick. i'll write again in a little

Mysapce

Life's best friend.
The kiss on the check, and the bite that breaks the skin, I'm always opting to choke in the misery with you then alone. Life's lovely when my skin is split, and my palms are pressed to my ears. The ressurance is comign from the wrong places, and everythign is just not making sense.No matter the way I'm bashed by you i crawl back for more! It's a sick turning, and all i can blame is myself, and i'm not even fully at fault! I love my life.

And it's true blue. I'm as strong as i am weak, and tired as i am awake. I'm not who i was, essentially the same. I'LL ALWAYS BE SASKIA DAVIES

I'm making

up days in my mind for my html codes and images,
i need sleep.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy

The waves

are crashign against my eyes that are holding them in,
Slowl i'm giving, in and the blue gold beating harder,
the black rings pushign against the water.

I'm getting dragged downa nd i can't swallow the water i' falling in fast enough.

Nobody's cried for me, and i've been having battles within my eyes, your cick in the midna dn i could belive it.

Up and over

The fence, I'm down around the bend,
editing and taking control,
It's all over now and i need the sleep, and i don;t see the point, sounds of understanding don't echo Fromm the right direction as i stare at my yellow palms,
and my blue feet.
It's time to check out, but hey, I'd rather stay in the hotel forever. It's not home, and if it isn't home then why not?

How can a touch carry so many different meanings,a dn no matter the amount of words i spew i can't get teh same back.




I'm so confused and ostrisized in this split level non-home.
How come i always get the bad popsicle?

Everything is FUCKING perfect

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND
NO BODY LIES TO ME
MY MOM LOVES ME
MY DAD DOESN:T TOUCH A SINGLE BEER BOTTLLE AND GUESS WHAT?
I DON'T HAVE A STEPMOM AND I LIVE IN TEMPE!

I SIT INFRONT OF THE COMPUTER ALLL FUCKING DAY, I DON'T TRY ON MATH TESTS BECAUSE I'M JUST THAT SMART,

AND OH!

MY LIFE IS NOTHING LIKE I MAKE IT SEEM!

It's all fun and games

When your home alone sick with a case of the flu, and your head is making up stories and your world is spinning.
Life is but the picture and the spinning blurs around me is just the wall it's hung upon. Life is the picture through my eyes,adn why should i bother with anything else?

Ahh, ehusation does wonderful things to the mind

My phone died

Not really, it just won't turn on,
ti's charged... just the power button is broken.
:/

I don't know what to do tonight.
I don;t knwo if i should try to talk to people,
Try to explain,
try to write,
because... because i can't anymore. Or i feel liek i can;t

If i should call rambo.
If i should call mackenzie,
If i should stay up lateeee.
I don;t know.


I need to find a way to fix my phone.
I need to think... this is probably the day to think.
Night.

Ughhhh.
>:(
I have to use a gay phone now. FUCK!


Then i have to order a new phone.. i don't want to pay 40 bucks.



"It's all a game of this or that, now verses thenThey're better off against worse for wearAnd you're someone who knos someoneWho knows someone i once knewAnd i just want to be a part of this"

	That whip of emotion knocked me out.

	Your everything

	FUCK YOU FUCK YOUR LIFE AND YOUR VOICE LESSONS FUCK YOUR GUITAR THAT IS MORE IMPORANT YOUR NOTHING TO ME.

	I want there words i'm saying to make sense, and the days to go by less full and dull. I want to have feelings again, and to be able to write again. I hate where i am. I hate where i'm going. I hate the people i'm with. I hate how everything is changing. I can't do it much longer, i'm fake, shiny and hard. Plastic. When you tap me i'm hollow. I leave metallic tastes in your mouth when you kiss me, and i'm nothing of what i was. I'll all of nothing. And everything around me is chipping me away. Denting me. Nothing.

	I want to feel flesh on flesh. The full thud of a fist on skin. I want to feel the pain and the blood. I want it to shiver down my spine. Don't know what to think, what to do.. How to act. I just want forget what i was and who i am. I want to hit hard and make her words hurt less. I want her razorblade of a tongue to stop slicing me apart, and most of all i want everything to be different.

	There already all lined up. Fuck my life