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Thursday, April 29, 2010

I guess

That's the way it's gonna be. Fmlfmlfml

I'm gonna wakeup strong
we're all gonna wakeup strong

I love you

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Okay

That works

You can

Have whatever you want
just do it. Make the desicion

I don't care

I refuse to let that happen.

Everything's familar at this point

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why am I like this right now.
Doubts aren't good

I just

Want my own pair of ruby slippers,
so I can say
There's no place like home
There's no place like home

but home is wrapped in your arms, and not last year, because, last year is a past particaple to my life
We have come too fucking far to let you say those words.




God damn it, make this stop hurting as much, after 8 fucking months I hoped it wouldn't grind as hard against my bones.
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2010/04/11/20100411kayla-havins-suicide.html

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I'm not sure where all the peices blend togeather and we become us again.
I just don't know how to slow down, it's just a rush to the night, and the winter cold fingers of rememberance.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Heavy is the head that wears this crown

I was

Just going to post a blog today how i take so much for granted, but stopped because i couldn't find a real nitch into it. To get it really going, but after what's happened tonight, i have. I really don;t take into to acount often how easily a human life can be taken away, even if i've had so many death's in my life with family, friends, or just people i knew.
I'm realizing right now, that i haven't told any of you how much you mean to me lately, or in months.

Caroline: Even though i just met you this year, you've always been there for me. I can always talk to you and text you when i'm having a bad day, or am really stressed, or need someone. and i can talk to you about it. You're the perfect pick me up. I need you. I love you

Sarah: You're a person i can come to with anythign on my plate, weither it beign a good day or a bad day, or like tonight, and this whole week, and i can just talk to you till i have no more words to type, text or whatever. You are such a amazing, beautifull, smart person. Please never forget that, you are ment to do something great, i swear. I love you.

Savannah: My beautifull southern bell.. you are so beautifull. I know i haven't talked to you in for forever, and i haven't been there this year for you, but i still want 4am myspace messages from you, and long car rides with make-shift lunchs from random stores. You are strong, and artistic. I need you. I love you.

Jack: This year has been rough for you, last year too. We were so close last year, towards teh end atleast, and i can honestly say, you were very close to my best friend, and i loved (still do) like a brother, the one i never had. With are many adventure's to best buy, tempe market place, the mall, xtreme bean, and ditchign church, i felt like i could tell you anything. Jack, your strong, great, and still my brother. I offically apologize for anything i have done this year.. ignoring your texts, locking you out. Not being there when you needed me, and not being ME when that's all you wanted me to be. I care a lot about you still, and i'm honest if you ask me a question. I need you. I love you


Mackenzie: What would i be without you? nothing of course. Nothing. In whatever sense you look at us, i owe you far more then you owe me, and darling, you are still the only person to make my chest heave, and my sking beg for metal, my eyes to burn, and my eyelashes glisten. You've been my best friend, for as long as i need to rememeber, because in all honesty i have no reason to remember anything before then. You taught me what the darkest places were in the world, and that they were created by your own self, you taught me how to live.(at last). And deep in the bottoms of my designed mind, i have all those nights stored away, where we screamed, and shook to blue october, placebo, MCR, MSI, linkin park and whatever else we recorded on my pink camera. I have all those all nighters, and words i can't help but forget. I'm sorry i disapeared on you this year.. i'm sorry i was never there, i'm sorry i wasn't there to wipe away your tears, i'm sosrry i wasn't therer to make the burnign stop, i'm sorry i wasn't therer to take that razor from your hand, i'm sorry i wan't there to hold you hand, and help you crawl out my window, i'm sorry i i wasn't there. But, without you, i wouldn't be me. I need you. i love you.

Michael: I just would like to say, that i never thought i would find someone like you in my whole life. You keep me up on my hardest days, and i can coem to you and tell you everything, you are the perfect person for me, my life would not be complete without you. You bring out the best in me, and make me feel so special and beautiful.. even on my worst days, you are my shining light at the end of every dark tunnel. I never want to be without you. You make my life complete, i can come to you whenever i'm really stressed or upset, and you'll talk to me about it, and just make me smile. I look forward to seeing you every morning, and you honestly bring such hapiness to my life, you have no idea. I need you. I honestly do want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you with all my heart.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

240 blanks

ALL FILLED IN YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY
french homework is DONE.

My lips are chapped, it's night, and it's saturday, cold, dreary, hidden, yellow, alone, alone, alone, saturday night in my little glass house.

Uh,
umm,
I suck tonight,
kaitthxbai

No matter how much i deny

it, i really do want someone over.

Red and green and blue and yellow and purple and silve and grey and teal and balck and and and
and.
I wake up exhausted

Its not morning

Its back to sleep, to re-dream me

We’re alone and we’re happy

But there you are, angry with me

Are you alright?

I can stand up straight

Are you alright?

I can get you off my mind

Friday, April 23, 2010

Someon get me this

before i EXPLODE
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=1079

12:59

No more,
No more do the wings need to beat
against rusted bars and cuffs need to be ripped
from my wrists
black ink wings strech for as long as the waves wash over me,
slide under the sheet,
and the cuts bleed,
as the yellow comes again.

You're here to lift me high above though,
and i'm here to glide around with such blonde beautiful butterflys,
they leave red.

Such beautiful blonde butterflys holding my hand
and the waves take you,
and as i awake,
i have found,
that dream.. that i cast.. i did cast it right?
Well. that. Dream. is. no. longer. a. dream.
I cast over,
The blue is swelling,

Thursday, April 22, 2010

This week

was a week more then ever where i needed you to ask me to call you,
to stay up and talk to me,
tell me how pretty i am,
I needed i ressuring arm around my waist.
That extra hug in geography,
a extra kiss at lunch,
your texts,
and not a silent face, i needed you to come find me in the morning.

I really needed someone this week.
But i didn't tell anyone that, so how could i expect what i wanted.
It's such a secret in me, to need anyone. To be weak.

I know i'm lucky to have you.
I can't help to feel i AM a downgrade.


"don't let me go let me go tonight" Please don't


Fuck, chin up sunshine tomorrow's a new day.

I know it well

Well I met you at the blood bank
We were looking at the bags
Wondering if any of the colors
Matched any of the names we knew on the tags

You said see look it that's yours
Stacked on top with your brothers
See how they resemble one anothers?
Even in their plastic little covers

And I said I know it well

That secret that you know
That you don't know how to tell
it fucks with your honor
And it teases your head

But you know that its good girl
Cause its running you with red.

Then the snow started falling
We were stuck out in your car
You were rubbing both my hands
Chewing on a candy bar
you said ain't this just like the present
To be showing up like this
There's a moon waning crescent
we started to kiss


And I said I know it well

That secret that we know
That we don't know how to tell
I'm in love with your honor
I'm in love with your cheeks
what's that noise up the stairs baby
Is that Christmas morning

And I know it well

i've got two years left

Of high school, and living with my mom,
and of going off to my room when i smell sweet Jim Beam,
I have two years left,
of being your "Best Friend" Laura Truswell, because i know as soon as i graduate, you'll never forgive me for leaving you.
I have forever left though,
Jack, Savannah, Mackenzie.

Today, i found out,
that blue and red..
they always blend.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Oh, and

I like cans of glitter, that take us back to 7th grade science projects

He

Always makes breakfast.




I wish i could still cry my way out of a fight, fiend some innocence, but it's nothing like that anymore. It's much deeper, angrier. it's shut bed room doors. Not a word in hours. It's cold stares. and it only speaks of what i've done wrong. But i'm not the one that openly admits i'm cold. i'm the one, the one, who keeps it togeather because it's repulses you to see me cry. But when i'm cut from what i love, and pushed 3omiles away. It's little help to a 14 year old that hasn't had her mommy in years.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Under the

Layers I've set up so carefully this year,
I'm still the little girl that got a pretty locket for her 13th birthday,
from a boyfriend who I thought loved her,
and the girl that can't breathe when hate me comes on,

I still want my hand wrapped around yours
a half finished cigarrette that makes my stomach roll
my lower lip trembling
as I try to hold it together

I'm still the girl with long strawberry blonde hair,
purple fingers,
and your intials cut into my hip.

I want 3am runs
screaming music videos
gross energy drinks
tears that I don't need to hold in
and words you can really understand
blue flooded stages
and a lead singer walking in the crowd
a locket full of hope that he loved me back
a hip full red lines
and a meaning to every song

we can pick back up though.

Mackenzie Taylor Crawford
you are still the only person to understand me
you are still the only person to see me cry
I will
I am
I have
I will always

I love you.
My red suned world, has a deep blue sky.
And there's a hilll at the very heart of it all,
and that's where you are.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I don't



Know who this is,


I don't recognize this as me.
























This i do, because this IS me. and it's good, and happy, and solid, and she knows her limits. Knows what's she good for, and knows she'll always be alright, and she's tall and big, and she has herself, and peopel she loves to catch her when she falls, She's healthy, whatever that is. Her stomach was purple when it was washed this morning. She knows what that means.

It was

a pretty good week till today.
Even with Micheal gone,
being sick,

I'm fine wiith it.
But, some things just peave me.


But I'm just going to take a deep breathe,


do some pushups, and crunches, and go to bed.


because this doesn't deserve my time, if it's this fucking dumb.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Nostalgia hits hard

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I'm so tired
"Above it all I see nothing,
And below I see you.

As I slip you laugh, and I watch yellow wrap around my hands.
How is it so? That i know
You'll leave?

I've been waiting so long for things to slid farther and if's happened.
The blue is lifting my legs.
I'm dying don't you know?


Your off again,
I'm home again. It's all falling into place.
Can't some one wake me from my frozen state, no apparently not.

Green is coming and I'm pressing my hands to my ears.
This is not happening, all voices are failing and i'm still siting against my wall screaming.

The sheets are off my bed, and you are no where in sight,
They minutes are off the clock, where are you to set time staight?

The waves are coming again, and they roll over me too, there is no stopping now. Prevention like taking a pill, I've lost the package and given in.


Burnt orange from the days I layed in the sun. It's peeling back all the layers. The bricks are gone.

I'm going to lay, fall, copy and shape. Babe take me from these jaws and make me better, please tell me you know I'm sick. "


I wish i could still write.
Any way, I'm sick, and tired, and i want my boyfriend. But to hell if i'm gonna admit anything of the sort directly to anyone.

It's all about beign strong righto? false i suppose, anyway,
I have a horse show this weekend, and then another long week of school, i'm still trying to figure out where the hell this school year went, and how i ended up in such a good place, because god knows i shouldn't be here. In such a happy, good place, i guess i should count my blessings, and be very thankful for them. But that's never been my sunshine style.


Ima take some codein laced cough meds tonight, sleep and sleep. and be ready for the weekend, and my show, and do my homework. okay.





Such a balancing act
over looking such a deep pool
with wondering
eyes
and broken
vines
as i stand i can not tell
why on either side i try so hard
and i wonder what the
eyes
and
vines
hav e to say about my stumbling pace,

wings break from my wondered arms
and i lift above the tattered rope
all the bones are whole
and my beating
bleeding
has not gone in vain

because i am in my perch singing. oh, how you don't need sympathy for this bird.

anymore.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pleasepleaseplease

someone buy me one of these

http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=1454
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=442
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=459
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=460

but most of all:
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=73

or if you want me to be your best friend, i would KILL for this:
http://store.bandwear.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=Array&products_id=1079
PLEASE

Descions, Descions

Do whatever you want,
say whatever you want to say,

I'll listen to Mika, Starfuckers, Bon Iver, classical music and Jumprope,
I will be happy, and loving and do what i need to do,

because it doesn't matter what you think about me,
or how this blog makes you see me.

I'm happy, and that's how it's going to stay. I've made my descion,

I've done it before, to hell i will do it again.



Tahtah Birfday shopping for people.

I know

What healthy is,
I know where solid is,

I know where hapiness is, because I'm happier then I've ever been.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Do this

http://www.formspring.me/welcum2theparty


A heartbeat skip, relationship
Inside a bubble bath
An icing drip below your lip
So we undo the math
A sudden slip between
My pathetic sedatives
A real-life script of how
Mistakes became our medicine, so

Delay the hurtful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message that I'm
Picking up my chin at last
I said my confidence
It gets stronger when you're next to me
But we pray from miles away
In quest for what we long to be

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
But you're my everlasting friend
Everlasting friend

A heartbeat skip, relationship
So we would stay up late
A teardrop drip below your lip
Beside the airport gate
A sudden slip from where
We used to be a year ago
A real-life script of how
Our hands would hold and not let go

But delay the mournful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message
That you taught me how to live at last
But I said my confidenceIt gets stronger when you're next to me
But we wave respect goodbye
In quest for what we long to be, but

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
But you're my everlasting friend

Will you b coming home?
(Everlasting friend)
My everlasting friend, will you be coming home?
(Everlasting friend)

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
(Still missing you)
I might crumble, I might take a fall again

I might crumble, I might take a fall again
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
I might crumble, I might take a fall again
I just want to know that you'll be coming home
I just want to know that you'll be coming home
I just want to know that you'll be coming home
I just want to know that you'll be coming home

7:48

My day is wasted

"I Would rather be ashes than dust, I would rather that my psark should burn out in a brillant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in a magnificent glow, than a sleepy and function of a man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." - Jack London

"Happiness is only the sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad a lamentable experiment" - George Santyana

"For some time I have never said what I believed and never believed what I said, and if I do sometimes happen to say what I think, I always hide it among so many lies that it is hard to recover."-Machiavelli

"The Mind is its own place and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell; a Hell of Heaven."

I'm missing you Warnock

"Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of non-combustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change. Don't give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy." - Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

#_!#@*&%!_@#%*&!#@_%(*)

SOME ONE POST SOMETHING


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