I've decided

I'm not going to sit around complaining about how I don't have time or energy, to I cant make things better with peopl, because I can,
So here is my first step,
My first movement to show you I care,
And I'm not just failing anymore.

I'm sorry, for not testing back, not calling back, not picking up, for ditching you, for ignoring you, for not caring, for being mean, inconsiderant, angry, and moody, for cryingOn,. Your shoulder, and not returning the favor, not being there, not caring, not asking how your day was, being g self centered, not being worried about you, not hugjng you, saying high, or smiling at you, for talking too much, not spending enough time with you, making up excuses, and finally,.

Being a horrible, friend, best friend, or love Intrest.

I love

Grreeeen eyyyess

I don't want to

Pick a side, but to be straight, the neutral thing isn't going to fly.. I'm not sure where I stand right now, on anything, or everything. I don't know quite how much I like people, who I REALLY actualy like, and stupid stuff that is so tiny, that I preettty much am just looking for ways to drag myself down, which I suceed in doing..

I want attention.


And I know it's bad, but I now know that is how I am.








I should be worrying about other people, and trying to help them, but it comes down to, I'm just not a strong enough person to try, to get jealous, compete, and lose.. I'm sorry

Have you read

My last blog?

Because this one is about that one, which I haven't finished. I'm watching a fuching scary greys anatomy. Alright, I'm going to keep writing In my other thing,

Tonight

Ill write out everything,

And give it to you like it is on here. All complaining, all anger, all hurt, all over dramatics, all how I feel, because that's what it is, how I feel, and would you read this if you didn't care about how I feel? Didn't think so.


Listen to drop by blue October

October..October.. October.

Who has a plan? Who has a plan? Oh whoever has a plan?

I do. I'm going to stop. Stop everything and see how it plays out, because im not one to waste my energy if I don't know what I'm doing is right, for god sakes it might not be right.

I have so much to write but it's not the time, or the place. It's time to practice the tuba and let this shaking in my arm worsen.

Tata

Moving on

Past you, your hands, the way you used to hold me, your voice, and your lips.

Done.

It scares me

Too

The insy binsy spider

Crawls up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Washed washedwashed
The spider
Spider the washed

The spider out



Yhw era ouy gniod siht?


Why are you doing this?

Gkshskshnsks

it's not like you would listen if I told you.

It's not like you would belive me

it's nice to know

PeOpLE care. heheh

Click cink chick

I'm turning into the opposite of what I was, and I'm sorry.

Let's be honest, I don't miss aprende. I don't. I'm not even going to try to fake it anymore. I'm not saying I like corona any better.. Wait, I actaully might. But doesn't mean Im enjoying it. It's just I'm now in a group of kids that care. I don't feel small, not good enough, or anything of the sort. I'm not scared of being ridiculed, hurt, or put down. I don't have to deal with as many peoples shifty drama, jeffs complaing, hannahs whining, and people being so stupid. I can be with kids who don't think they have a bigger smarter view over everyone. I get attention I guess, which is good. And that makes me sound stupid, and petty, but at aprende I always felt like a 3rd wheel. And plans were hard to make and rarely happened and when thy did I was left out sometimes, now.. I have a party to go to practicly every week. Friends always right there, and football games are FUCKING FUN. I have people to hang out with everyday after school, homework help of needed. People notice when I'm just a tad down; 3ven if just slightly and help me, worry about me. I get hugs, and constant greetings.

Things cod still be better. I'm disconent. But school is better with that part, and you know what? IT'S GREAT.



I'm keeping my problems more and more to myself. I don't let my anger show as much as It could be, I don't talk to people about everything as much. I don't text as much. I could careless about making sure my realionships with people are strong, I don't try to follow people. I define my self. Listen to my own music, wear my own clothes, forget about everyone else. Don't write as much. Don't do my homework, don't study. Prefer to be alone, just try to make plans with laura, or jack. Sleepover with Mackenzie. But I don't even try too hard to make plans with anyone. I just want to sleep. I don't want to stay up t0 8am. I want to fucking sleep. I have super low self confidence.. Which honestly didn't used to be.

Oh well.




Kthxbai

I want to be

them.

I misss

The feeling of aroudn teh next corner there will be something, someone to make it all better. A magical force to make my problems go away, and something new to occupy my thoughts.


I'm instead, tightly wrapped around where i am now, and lost in the tangles webs of what i should think, and what it is..

"The 21st.
comes so soon every month
An anniversary of not being strong enough
You're much too co-dependent
A shrink is recommended

Your father tells you to try to be responsable
Your mother loves you, but not the way she did before
Your brother's torn to pieces
But no one knows the reasons

He loves the winter, but it smells too much like memories
The ornament she gave him still hangs from his Christmas tree
A jingle bell will glisten
That's when she loved to kiss him

So say farewell to all the little things she would say and do
The morning, sleepy eyed girl waves goodbye to you
You're much to co-dependent
A shrink is recommended
Yeah...

But yeah, who are the people you hang around with?
Who are the ones you're gonna call?
When you feel like ending it all?
But yeah, who are the people you hang around with?
Who are the ones you're gonna call?
When you feel like ending it all?

But I can't bring you down
But I can't bring you down
But I can't bring you down
But I can't bring you down

But I can't bring you down
But I can't bring you down
But I can't bring you down"