Waaahhhh <3

I want to say, i'm talking to Mackenzie Taylor Crawford. doing a little updatey on Mr. Atkins. ;) it's pretty great. i called him, and rambo, and mackenzie.

Everythings going pretty good, i want you to know that, i want you to know, that i really like Michael. i want you to know, i miss alot of people.




I'm round with wonder of you,
I'm tickled with rosey lips,
blue, white, and grey.
kissing of your hands and cold fingers,
dials up to 6,

warming toes on frozen blankets,
unbuttoning pants and unzipping jackets,
i'm never going to forget what that really was,

because it's going out your window, and into mine.

and i love you<3

In a weird way

Christmas has never failedbto disapoint me, holidays are the worst tiilme of the year with dear old dad, and any way, x-mas is slightly boring.

I'm just trying to make myself feel better

Liking you was kinda my anchor, giving m

Liking you was kinda my anchor, giving me something to work for...
But.. But hey.. It's fine. I swear. I swear to god... I'm lying. I'm
lying. But that's fine. I swear.

December 5th 09 11:26pm

I'm fine. And I mean it. It's cool, hot, either way. I'm just normal
plain old not feeling anything saskia. Helllloooo brother

Decemeber 6th 09 10:01

Ahhh it been awhile since I wrote, so much new stuff... Tell you about
it later. My journal already knows. ;)

Decemeber 14th 09 9:42

That feeling where you sit and are comfortable. Nothing can move you
from your place, that's what I feel. Solid.

But, out of everyone, I think I know the most, that I of all, need to
be the one bleeding on the floor. It's way past due for a break down,
an a place to pull up. But, that means pushing, proding, and probably
the most painful, remembering. So I'll start tonight, so soon, an just
fully crumble, because I need it. An deserve it. And I don't want
anyone to pick me up. Or touch me. I want to do it myself as long as
possible. I want it to be a night I'm awake till 4 and up at 7. I want
it to be a night where I sleep to music. I want it to be a night full
of tears. I want it to be a night with my ihome in my bed. And of all
things, I want it to be a night where the tub is stained/ red/

I have everything I "want" and I am "happy". But that's not true. And
I think; maybe thisill help, because after thinking of one memory then
shutting down, that is doing nothing. And it's been destroying
everything I actually love<3

Call me Christmas day Mackenzie, I want to talk to you

December 23, 2009 9:15 am

Sent from my iPod

7am

With migranes, a boyfriend, and a dead feeling at the chase.

I don't want to go into detail, I'll save that for Christmas, and I'll save your ears, because I need to think this trough myself, because I haven't been thinking straight, or at all in forever.

I just maybe thought

I should post a update, about how I punched zak in the head, ducked up my hand, like michael now, and am really worried about everyone, oh yeah, just a tiny update

Hello

Your pissing me off, just thought you should know.
Kthaxbai

I can't honestly talk on here anymore. Oh well.

I want to play the blame game so bad right now, oh yes I do.

Look up

Evident utensal.

Fuck off, maybe you can stop jumping to conclusions. This never was a one way street,

Savannah

I just need to know of your getting my messages... If your not.. I don't know who they're going to... And I suppose that's fine too. Buut; I don't care If you responded... Just let me know

And so

it's time to leave.
bye.

BLOGGER

I think It's time to

fuck this shit.
forget whatever i've said. because apparently i've done no good, an di just can't breathe in this clausticphobic place of memories. there is too MUCH of me in these words. and....
everything is becoming too much like home. and it's been 5 months. i think it did start with that kisss.. that one kiss. and that's where i see it start to unravel. It'where i did somethign so unlike me, even though it was bound to happen. and i changed. because, i needed that change. Because i was still as broken as ever then, even as i look back, i can SEE that. of, yes i can see that.

But that doesn't matter. and i can't dwell on that. Because i'm so unlike that person now. and i'm pretty sure there is no going back. and i don't see a forward. and i really don't know how to deal with anything recenttly, anything in the last 5 months. so i haven't and that's, that's our real problem. I haven't been a big girl, and separted myself from the bandies. i haven't spread my time evenly or more like 70 30 70 more to you.

I've been selfish. Mean. Stupid. Imature. Silly. and ugly.

But can i really un-do FIVE MONTHS of that? you tell me

I'm so dead.
I don't see any forward.

I don't feel anything.

It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt.



I hate

Thats so true

But hey, it's what was expected. I didn't need someone else to tell me the truth,
Hey hunnnnn please stop moving.

my box is too small

and this part is becoming me.

asjhrvdtyj vxynjvdjytdjytr5s6eu2wq,x cghvub89i re76be458545h6bn


Shoot me in the face, or letme slit my wristsss asghga

Nothing plus something

Is medicore.

I wish it was possible to curl up and sleep for hours. Maybe.. Maybe I'll throw up at night, and say that. And not go to schol. Or in the morning.