I think It's time to

fuck this shit.
forget whatever i've said. because apparently i've done no good, an di just can't breathe in this clausticphobic place of memories. there is too MUCH of me in these words. and....
everything is becoming too much like home. and it's been 5 months. i think it did start with that kisss.. that one kiss. and that's where i see it start to unravel. It'where i did somethign so unlike me, even though it was bound to happen. and i changed. because, i needed that change. Because i was still as broken as ever then, even as i look back, i can SEE that. of, yes i can see that.

But that doesn't matter. and i can't dwell on that. Because i'm so unlike that person now. and i'm pretty sure there is no going back. and i don't see a forward. and i really don't know how to deal with anything recenttly, anything in the last 5 months. so i haven't and that's, that's our real problem. I haven't been a big girl, and separted myself from the bandies. i haven't spread my time evenly or more like 70 30 70 more to you.

I've been selfish. Mean. Stupid. Imature. Silly. and ugly.

But can i really un-do FIVE MONTHS of that? you tell me