s weird.
Has been weird
will probably stay weird
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thought this was funny
"1.We love to try new things2.We wear tight pants and tall boots3.We come equipped with chaps and spurs4.We'll use whips5.We are good with our hands6.We get a lot of practice7.We also are affectionate8.We are very flexible9.We are used to bite marks10.We have lots of stamina11.We don't mind working up a sweat12.We are used to getting bruises13.We get off easily14.We can mount with ease15.We know how to ride our mounts16.We have good hip control17.We can go the distance18.We like it dirty19.We do it in lots of places20.We'll ride for hours21.We can do it in the mud22.We enjoy performing in front of people23.We know how to rub 'em down24.We don't mind being bucked around25.We have our legs spread a lot26.We're always on top27.We can handle many speeds28.We like to be in control29.Letting our hips move in rhythm with our mount comes naturally30.We are used to a bouncy ride31.We know how fast or slow to go32.We can ride in many different positions33.We like rough rides34.We know how to drive from behind35.We can always hit the right spot36.We are used to the up-down, up-down movement37.Straddling is our natural position38.We like competitions to see who's best39.We like the feel of so much energy and power underneath us40.We can tame the studs41.We have the ability to make em perform their best42.We ride hard and put em' away wet43.When we fall, we get right back on and ride harder44.We can ride any size just as good45.We're used to having 1, 000 or more lbs. of muscle between our legs.46.We are very good at riding bareback47.We know how to ask for more when we want it48.We know how to handle a big girth49.We double team on occasions50.Even after a rough day we're ready to go again
You KNOW you like it"
You KNOW you like it"
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
NCIS
Makes me so happy,
It's not as good as CSI: Miami
or Cold case,
But it gives me a certain shock of elecrticty.
I'm going to make a blog playlist. :)
It's not as good as CSI: Miami
or Cold case,
But it gives me a certain shock of elecrticty.
I'm going to make a blog playlist. :)
I'm disapearing
In to my TV!
You can read on tomorow after 4-H.
and i talk to my Old bets friend again.
:)
Oh baby.
I'm Still suppperrrrr awake, and i still have 3 energy drinks and a mountain deww oh and a flat sunkist bottle.
Whatever,
Outa
You can read on tomorow after 4-H.
and i talk to my Old bets friend again.
:)
Oh baby.
I'm Still suppperrrrr awake, and i still have 3 energy drinks and a mountain deww oh and a flat sunkist bottle.
Whatever,
Outa
Someone said your name and asked me if i knew you
I looked down wiped my tears and said " No, not anymore"
It seems so imporant at the time
to talk to him,
but when you get down to it,
it's just somethign to do.
I'm wonderfing if i am losing intrest, losing time.
Losing my mind for even thinking this.
Nah.
Insainty.
I can't belive Mackenzie doesn't even know.
No one but Laura and Becky and Hannah.
It's insane.
Not good.
Not good.
Hahha,
Smiles are comign soon.
Tomorrow might be shit?
but when you get down to it,
it's just somethign to do.
I'm wonderfing if i am losing intrest, losing time.
Losing my mind for even thinking this.
Nah.
Insainty.
I can't belive Mackenzie doesn't even know.
No one but Laura and Becky and Hannah.
It's insane.
Not good.
Not good.
Hahha,
Smiles are comign soon.
Tomorrow might be shit?
I remeber
At one point it was a HUGE dela to Jeff and I to have a web cam, and every weekend we would talk for hours and hours on end.
sometimes up to 6 hours almost straight.
Now we have about, eh
2 hours a weekend lucky,
tops we get 3 or 4.
It's sad.
really
sometimes up to 6 hours almost straight.
Now we have about, eh
2 hours a weekend lucky,
tops we get 3 or 4.
It's sad.
really
Wowo
I'm bored out of my mind at 2:34
I have nothing ot say or write.
I have nothign to od but say or write,
I am in a creative mood,
at 3:15 i shall pack up, this device.
Store it.
Pretend i was never awake.
Always alsleep.
"How do you break?"
"I am alone in my defeat"
"I'm missing your bed, I never sleep"
"and this bottle of a beast is taking me home"
I have nothing ot say or write.
I have nothign to od but say or write,
I am in a creative mood,
at 3:15 i shall pack up, this device.
Store it.
Pretend i was never awake.
Always alsleep.
"How do you break?"
"I am alone in my defeat"
"I'm missing your bed, I never sleep"
"and this bottle of a beast is taking me home"
Out My Window
Out my Window
down the steps.
Through the streets with the moonlight relflecting
Out your door.
Out your door.
Out your window.
What has happended to my mind?
what has happened to us?
What have i done?
Have i made you happy?
Have i made you love?
done.
are we done?
done?
are we done?
Out your window,
Out your window,
Out your window,
in mine.
In mine.
Out your door,
out your Window.
Your muteing what i have to SAY!
Your muteing what i want.
I need to leave you.
I need to leave you be.
Save yourself,
I need fixing now.
Out your window,
Out your door,
come into my window,
sleep with the stars above us.
Out,and In again.
Balance is what?
down the steps.
Through the streets with the moonlight relflecting
Out your door.
Out your door.
Out your window.
What has happended to my mind?
what has happened to us?
What have i done?
Have i made you happy?
Have i made you love?
done.
are we done?
done?
are we done?
Out your window,
Out your window,
Out your window,
in mine.
In mine.
Out your door,
out your Window.
Your muteing what i have to SAY!
Your muteing what i want.
I need to leave you.
I need to leave you be.
Save yourself,
I need fixing now.
Out your window,
Out your door,
come into my window,
sleep with the stars above us.
Out,and In again.
Balance is what?
Things are looking up for her
Ah,
the boy goes through her window.
Ah,
the boy flys though her.
Ah,
the boy loves her.
Ah,
lucky you princess.
the boy goes through her window.
Ah,
the boy flys though her.
Ah,
the boy loves her.
Ah,
lucky you princess.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Please put the doctor on teh phone
Because I'm not making any sense.
Blame everyone but me for this mess.
Blame everyone but me for this mess.
Fall Out Boy
You've turned to shit.
Pulled a Panic! At The Disco acording to Becky.
And it's true.
You used to be so good, so nice. So perfect.
Now what are you?
Your words are empty and meaningless,
what does "daddy told me to show the world the thunder" supposed to mean anyway?
I'm disapointed.
Yeah your new album isn't total shit,
but you used to be...
To say the least you fucked up,
you have FUCKING TRUMPETS in your songs now.
I want to cry when i see what you have become,
Pete your MARRIED and to ASHLEY SIMPSON.
YOUR HAVING A SON?
It's pure shit,
what you stood for?
Your words were once meaningfull,
once profound,
your lost now.
Meaningless phrases.
Words are nothing.
Nothing to me.
Really.
Pulled a Panic! At The Disco acording to Becky.
And it's true.
You used to be so good, so nice. So perfect.
Now what are you?
Your words are empty and meaningless,
what does "daddy told me to show the world the thunder" supposed to mean anyway?
I'm disapointed.
Yeah your new album isn't total shit,
but you used to be...
To say the least you fucked up,
you have FUCKING TRUMPETS in your songs now.
I want to cry when i see what you have become,
Pete your MARRIED and to ASHLEY SIMPSON.
YOUR HAVING A SON?
It's pure shit,
what you stood for?
Your words were once meaningfull,
once profound,
your lost now.
Meaningless phrases.
Words are nothing.
Nothing to me.
Really.
Ugh
I'm Trying to find good blogs on Blogger,
but all i can find are blogs that in another lanauge.
I have nothign really to blog,
I'm not very creative at this point.
Hm.
but all i can find are blogs that in another lanauge.
I have nothign really to blog,
I'm not very creative at this point.
Hm.
My life seems to consist
Of my Dad's house's bed room.
Cafinne.
Music.
Texting.
Writing.
Myspace.
And
My friends
Cafinne.
Music.
Texting.
Writing.
Myspace.
And
My friends
Well Last night
Was good.
Talked to Jeff for a long time,
Talked to Sara too.
Also Mandy of IM.
Woohoo.
Had a dream about Orme,
i tend to have my best about Orme.
Mayeb it's the fact it was my hapiest place,
or one of my happiest.
No.
My Happiest.
This one was about how i was coming back and Baily was teh onyl person in my ENglish class that i knew and she didn't look like bailey though, it was intresting.
Hm
Talked to Jeff for a long time,
Talked to Sara too.
Also Mandy of IM.
Woohoo.
Had a dream about Orme,
i tend to have my best about Orme.
Mayeb it's the fact it was my hapiest place,
or one of my happiest.
No.
My Happiest.
This one was about how i was coming back and Baily was teh onyl person in my ENglish class that i knew and she didn't look like bailey though, it was intresting.
Hm
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Movie my mom is watching is so stupid.
Tomorrrow is going to suck.
Not just because of Nationla Chairty League but because the thing i planned for over like two weeks is ruined.
I wanted to just be with Jeff for like 3 or 4 hours it would give me a really big pick up and let me relax, and talk to him alot. But NO he goes and invites Mackenzie over, then asks me to come too. Really i don't want to be with her, i just want to be with Jeff. I haven't been alone with him, able to talk for a very long time and i really long time so i was REALLY lookign forward to it. It's imporant to me and i hate he can't choose between Mackenzie and Me, she can handle a little bit of disapointment, he has nevber been worried about that with me.
Ugh.
Sometimes i wonder if we are better off Seperated
Not just because of Nationla Chairty League but because the thing i planned for over like two weeks is ruined.
I wanted to just be with Jeff for like 3 or 4 hours it would give me a really big pick up and let me relax, and talk to him alot. But NO he goes and invites Mackenzie over, then asks me to come too. Really i don't want to be with her, i just want to be with Jeff. I haven't been alone with him, able to talk for a very long time and i really long time so i was REALLY lookign forward to it. It's imporant to me and i hate he can't choose between Mackenzie and Me, she can handle a little bit of disapointment, he has nevber been worried about that with me.
Ugh.
Sometimes i wonder if we are better off Seperated
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Seems like i have been ignoring poor blogger.
I've just been trying to figure out my life.
Being homne has been amazing, i have been with teh people i love, and i am floating high.
So high, wrote a few more amazing poems.
and finished a stupid memoir piece for LA.
love,
Saskia
Being homne has been amazing, i have been with teh people i love, and i am floating high.
So high, wrote a few more amazing poems.
and finished a stupid memoir piece for LA.
love,
Saskia
Sunday, January 4, 2009
My mood is steaily increasing due to
Talking to..... MACKENZIE!
:)
Well, you know.. she's my best friend and all..
:)
Well, you know.. she's my best friend and all..
for some reason
it just hit me realy strongly that jeff and i are dating, that he's my boyfriend.
I'm trying to figure out if i like that or not.
I'm pretty sure i love that, but it hit really hard, really wierdly.
wow.
I'm trying to figure out if i like that or not.
I'm pretty sure i love that, but it hit really hard, really wierdly.
wow.
It's funny
That i can break one of my resollutions in a mear 4 days.
Damn, well long sleeves fro a while will cear that up, and now i promise myself, NO MORE.
Today has been boring with a twist though, fights with my mother are intresting and teh resolution breaking too.
:)
Off to do some stuff on myspace, be back later
Damn, well long sleeves fro a while will cear that up, and now i promise myself, NO MORE.
Today has been boring with a twist though, fights with my mother are intresting and teh resolution breaking too.
:)
Off to do some stuff on myspace, be back later
Friday, January 2, 2009
Tonight
I need out of my mind. Just for a while atleast. I think i'll call Mackenzie. Yeah, I'll call mackenzie.
Mack-enzie.
Jeff can wait. He's probably with someone anyway.
Sigh, i have to atleast try to be happy.
This sucks.
I want hot deserty dusty arizona, and my own horse, my boyfriend, my bestfriends, and my life back.
Mack-enzie.
Jeff can wait. He's probably with someone anyway.
Sigh, i have to atleast try to be happy.
This sucks.
I want hot deserty dusty arizona, and my own horse, my boyfriend, my bestfriends, and my life back.
It's nice that your with her.
Now i really want to jump off a cliff.
Ha. When did you ever do that for me, but yeah i forgot, i'm no fun, i'm practicly just a makeout buddy. Not like i didn't create that. I hate what i have done, what i have made, what i have created. Your paronoid now. Well i'm ready to fuckign slit my throat.
Maybe just my wrists. That would be more satisfing, to know and remeber what each scar ment.
This is teh perfect weather. Maybe if my mom see's it she'll realize i need to go home, i need out of this place, i need help.
It might be time to explain.
Tonight when i take my shower i'm goign to have to deside weitethr or not to peirce my skin.
I really hope i talk myself out of it.
My chest hurts. I really really want back. I'm ready to sleep for a few days.
Ha. When did you ever do that for me, but yeah i forgot, i'm no fun, i'm practicly just a makeout buddy. Not like i didn't create that. I hate what i have done, what i have made, what i have created. Your paronoid now. Well i'm ready to fuckign slit my throat.
Maybe just my wrists. That would be more satisfing, to know and remeber what each scar ment.
This is teh perfect weather. Maybe if my mom see's it she'll realize i need to go home, i need out of this place, i need help.
It might be time to explain.
Tonight when i take my shower i'm goign to have to deside weitethr or not to peirce my skin.
I really hope i talk myself out of it.
My chest hurts. I really really want back. I'm ready to sleep for a few days.
I think it's stupid
that just because someone is dead that they are your hero.
If you acually really knew them that would be a different story.
If you acually really knew them that would be a different story.
I'm really wanting home
So i can go through my feelings. So i can fidn out what teh fuck is wrong with em and why do i question every realtionship i have everysingle day more and more with every passing teh day. Consintrating on every small thing, every misstep. It's driving em insane, and i know that i am depressed again, i feel it in my chest. I feel it in my head, for every thought and every action, and all ic an do is push, and KEEP pushing tryign and trying and trying to get better.
I really hope this works
I really hope this works
Life is a black hole
waiting to swallow me up.
I'm not sure if i'm going to let it. Will i be able to see the light of day without the help of a professional if i do? will i even live?
I'm not sure if i'm going to let it. Will i be able to see the light of day without the help of a professional if i do? will i even live?
Again i am here
I'm no the shitty computer in eth libary though, so bitch next to me took teh one with the updated interface, acually i have no reason to belive she is a bitch, she just looked at me and laughed though. I think she's a bitch.
Today i went riding, i went expectiogn a lesson but was told to free ride, so i walked over to spirt and tacked him up with no problem this time. It was harder gettign on, he was frisky and wouldn't stand still. Tomorrow i have a group jumping lesson and i don't know if i can do with the embarssement. Really. God. Though i was utterly embarssed today, by myself, my horse and my mother who i am sure all the people at the stables think is a lesbian i left after riding feeling really light a happy.
I'm still tryign to figure out why i freaked out so much with the status and the only explantion is that i was look for something to get upset about and hurtle into a depression. No that i have realized this i am tryign to keep my chin up and move along.
I still have those worries, lots. I'm scared that once i am undepressed will he still love me? Even like me? He has barely known me outside of this dark hole i have dug, and i wonder if he would even care to give me a second glance when i am happy, and the sad thign is, if he didn't like me happy i would make myself depressed so he woudl still love me.
Is that a sign of true love or insainty?
Can you be insane if you know you are insane?
I wish that girl would get off teh damn computer.
Today i went riding, i went expectiogn a lesson but was told to free ride, so i walked over to spirt and tacked him up with no problem this time. It was harder gettign on, he was frisky and wouldn't stand still. Tomorrow i have a group jumping lesson and i don't know if i can do with the embarssement. Really. God. Though i was utterly embarssed today, by myself, my horse and my mother who i am sure all the people at the stables think is a lesbian i left after riding feeling really light a happy.
I'm still tryign to figure out why i freaked out so much with the status and the only explantion is that i was look for something to get upset about and hurtle into a depression. No that i have realized this i am tryign to keep my chin up and move along.
I still have those worries, lots. I'm scared that once i am undepressed will he still love me? Even like me? He has barely known me outside of this dark hole i have dug, and i wonder if he would even care to give me a second glance when i am happy, and the sad thign is, if he didn't like me happy i would make myself depressed so he woudl still love me.
Is that a sign of true love or insainty?
Can you be insane if you know you are insane?
I wish that girl would get off teh damn computer.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
It is coming back.
Ah, what a cute little boy can do for me.
Does someone want to talk to me on aim? ''would be veryemjoyable.
Does someone want to talk to me on aim? ''would be veryemjoyable.
Happy New Year
I guess.
Last night as the clock struck 12 here in the cold, green, Netherlands explosions went off at such a mass it scared me. Turns out fireworks are legal to the public to use, and they were allowed to set off these explosions till 2am. Not that it mattered much to me, i was awake till 2:30 reading. I had alot to think about, from teh way this new year hadn't started the way i would have liked it to what i am goin gto do when i get back, also i was tryign to decode my endless emotions and why exactly did i freak out when i read Jeff's status, and finally landing on Sara, how i wish to help, but not quite sure how. So, i read, and read, and read, Harry Potter's problems seemed easier, i did wish i woudl have thought to pack twilight or Lovely Bones. But then again, twilight hits way to close to home, i fidn it describes my life in a way i woudl ahve never thought, and well.. Lovely Bones is being held hostage. oh yeah, I WANT MY BOOK BACK MACKENZIE!
Having just logged into myspace i have a fuck load of messages, and i really don't know if i want to reply. Surprisingly i have one from Jack. It's funny that i find so much comfort in his presence in our group though i don't agnoligie it. He is one last reminder from my past, form 6th grade,a nd i find when i am with him i cna easly slide back into that naive person i was then. I replied to his message, damn i love him.
So, back to the point. I woke up for some un-known reason at around 7:48 here. 11:48 in arizona. I counted down teh new year in my head with my friends, i remebered the kiss i wouldn't get. The hugs i wouldn't get. The smiles i wouldn't see. I decided i needed to go to bed. So, i did.
Last night as the clock struck 12 here in the cold, green, Netherlands explosions went off at such a mass it scared me. Turns out fireworks are legal to the public to use, and they were allowed to set off these explosions till 2am. Not that it mattered much to me, i was awake till 2:30 reading. I had alot to think about, from teh way this new year hadn't started the way i would have liked it to what i am goin gto do when i get back, also i was tryign to decode my endless emotions and why exactly did i freak out when i read Jeff's status, and finally landing on Sara, how i wish to help, but not quite sure how. So, i read, and read, and read, Harry Potter's problems seemed easier, i did wish i woudl have thought to pack twilight or Lovely Bones. But then again, twilight hits way to close to home, i fidn it describes my life in a way i woudl ahve never thought, and well.. Lovely Bones is being held hostage. oh yeah, I WANT MY BOOK BACK MACKENZIE!
Having just logged into myspace i have a fuck load of messages, and i really don't know if i want to reply. Surprisingly i have one from Jack. It's funny that i find so much comfort in his presence in our group though i don't agnoligie it. He is one last reminder from my past, form 6th grade,a nd i find when i am with him i cna easly slide back into that naive person i was then. I replied to his message, damn i love him.
So, back to the point. I woke up for some un-known reason at around 7:48 here. 11:48 in arizona. I counted down teh new year in my head with my friends, i remebered the kiss i wouldn't get. The hugs i wouldn't get. The smiles i wouldn't see. I decided i needed to go to bed. So, i did.
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