Though

The blue october concert has only been two months ago.. it feels like years. Highschool has less to offer now. i have less to wake up for, and less to care about. I can't help but say i am a totally different person then when even highschool began. and.. my mood is dramaticlydifferent. I was manicly happy, and being all too blunt, i most defintly am not now. Theres a uncertinancy to each step i take down the hall, and word i say. No one is to blame. Not even myself, thus beign there is no out routes, in routes or places to hid. No room to go in to instead of teh bathroom, no desk to cry behind, and no teacher that actually cares, it gets down to a point where you, i, wonder if anyone does care. Including yourself.
There are personailty traits that are unflatoring, and you don't care for, that you find in yourself. Your view of yourelf goes down, and your body and mind are changign you don't even know whats happening. WEight that you don't want is gaining places you don't want it to be. Let's not even talk about my mind, our mind.
I want to be things, look ways, and have things that are impossible to have. I'm too directly dependent on things i shouldn't be, and i have a knack for leading people on to belive certain things. Or not to belive things. I'm a mixture of nothing but truth and lies that don't blend into anything, and just don't form or make sense. Unless i'm with one person.
Then, then i show my true emotions, i am Saskia Davies, old, present, and new. 6th grade Saskia, 7th grade Saskia 8th grade Saskia, and now, Freshman Saskia. I am insecure, falling to peices, and tiny, i'm tough, big, and beautifull, i have the cement to put myself back together with her, and the gates surrondign me to do so. I can cry, and can show just what everythign means to me. I can say what i want to be. Who i want to be. That wall holding everythign in, all the anger, the tears, the swear words, the confusion. just comes out. and i'm happy.

What is a best friend? Everything.

Mackenzie Crawford is my best friend.



High school is hard. I'm not talking about the school work or the groups of friends. But the fact of how i'm growing changign and everyone else is too. it's a place in finding yourself, because what you thought you knew, or think you know now.. gets blown out of the water. while there was dramtic change in middle school, for atleast me and a few others i know. The things we experinced there is nothing like what we are goign through now. It may not be familar, and it may not be right. But it is everything, and for god sakes everything i have now in a way. I love it. That's right, i guess i love it, in a sick silly stupid way, because i know, once this is over.. i'm going to be still me. Just different. Just like it will always be. I will never, never be afraid to give into changing, and never afriad to stand up for what i want.