I have no plans today. Nothign to distract, and no music to reach into with my mind. Nothign to distract me from this beating, and nothing to distract me from being unhappy with the way i look, how i wish i could have one kiss. and i wish i would have told you when i liked you, that i did. I wish my lip didn't hurt, i didn't have rug burn up and down my face, i wasn't tired. and i could sleep.
I'm in such a stupid place, and i guess i really don't hvae a reason to be unhappy, other than my home life, which is less then sub par by this point. i have so many wishes, and dreams, that i can't wait 4 more years to happen.. so i can be at college. and it might be okay. but i know the magical 18th year is not going to fix everything.
But i do know, i'm going to start doing my chores, push harder in school, actually apply myself, go in for lunch, call at night. because i know you're awake. summarize my day on here, and actually think. i'm going to kiss him and tell him how much i love him. because i do. i'll text you, and try. i'm going to save the money. and clean my room.. and earn that phone back, and sell it, then buy the one i really want. i'm going to pay my insurance, and not let my mom's words bother me. I'm going to help my stepmom when my dad's drunk. and i'm going to tell him, tell him that's it's not okay. I'm going to practice atleast 30minutes a day. I'll plan out my days.. and if i don't get on facebook.. or myspace, or can't do what i want to do because of the things i need to do. that's okay. because, if i'm ever going to do the stuff i want to do, i have to do the stuff i don't want to do first. i'll actually keep my agenda. and i'll earn my mom's trust. I can do this. i really can. because.. mayeb if i do that.. i can fix hime a little.
and just to let you all know, i want your honest thoughts about if i get this done to my hair:
message me.. text me, call me, just tell me okay? please and thanks.. and i think i'm growing my hair out, i can always cut it back off, i'm dynamic. this is what i want it to look like when it's long:
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