Libaries here

are called biblogoies,
or something along those lines.


Last night was a hard one, i was fighting my internal voice. It's quite annoying defintly when your internal voice is telling you to do the wrong thing. Sinking was invetible, and i thought things i shouldn;'t have been thinking. Whats the point in thinking of things in the past that were promised.

So, i've been thinking. I put my life out to be so much worse than it is, which i think is true in my head sometimes. It really isn't that bad, though i has its rough spots. Most of my madness comes from me and i have no one but myself to blame. Some things come from parts around me, i just twist and conform it to fit my needs. Sick little girl i am, but with good reason i call myself this. For good reason.



Fireworks are going off like crazy it isn't even time for it, every few minutes you hear a huge "BOOM"and you know a firecracker or firework went off. It's irratting when you are trying to sleep like i was. Somedays i wonder why we had to coem here, then i remeber my whole grandma's turning 80 and i need to get away shit.







I realized yesterday that even at my darkest hour, when i felt like there was no one to trust, not place to go. Never did i acually plan my suicide. I thought about it. But there was always a string, and very strong string tying me to life. It was all the pain i would cause to people if i disapeared. I didn't know at the time i was causing so much stress already on the people around me, through the cuts, the poems and depressing messagesm, blogs, and bulletins. Still, i was willign to go through all the pain i had, and cause as much scars as needed to keep everyone else happy. To keep everyone else from pain.

Not knowing i was causing them pain too.