I have a strong tendency

to sink into myself when i'm alone, and to be very opionated for no reason.

I honestly think i have a problem with being alone, liek somoetimes i strive to be alone, so i can be weak and let go of the whole cover i put over myself because when i'm havign a bed day i do that, i cover msyelf up with mask and walk through the day like a dummy, living but not really.

Recently i'm sliding back into my old ways just like funiurture. I'm working on it but once i am weak it is hard to be strong again. Hard to pull myself out of the pit, ah i'm so lame.

Myspace refuses to log me in and it's driving me so fucking nuts. Tonight i might pull an all nighter so i can just like.. relax and work on removing some emotion from my thoughts because my emotion is way to amplified, i need to work on thinking too, it;s gettign a little out of control, thoguh the last few days i've been better at contollign it. Smoothign it out, slippign it into a box after i rationally examine it. Others can fix there emotions, change them, but me? It's like i reprogrammed myself in some way over the last few years so that think to much, and these thoughts aren't good, they just hurt me. I need to write some stories i'm very creative this week and i think my thoughts have been a side affect of it, and poetry, might i add my poetry and such often isn't very happy. Ah, i get told about it so much in socail studies.

Back to the alone thing, i get in this mood where i want to be alone and no one to talk to me, btu then when no one talks to me i get in a really bad mood. Don't know how to describe it, liek right now, i end up postign blogs and thinking realy deep liek deper that i usually do. Send texts or messages to the most people in my lfie even though they don't text back, it's oddly iratting for both me and them.

People are getting on blogger like more and more, and i'm getting kinda irrated. This was my thing. Ughhhh, i was fine with Sarah and Savannah getting on, but now i have all these random people following me and i'm feeling i can't just say anythign anymore, because maybe i soudn happy at school and generally i am, but i am really dark depressing and sick at some points, do i really want peopel reading that? reading those words that are posted through emotional feelings and things. Not really maybe people i don't really know but.. hmm. I also feel i started this whole little faze, because i didn't want my mom reading my blogs on myspace. Oh you guys, why am i so unsure of everything right now.

I'm suppsosed to do somethign with Jeff but i'm instead going to anna's house.


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