I've come to the only conclucion

that actually makes sense.

I'm nothing any more, i don't think, i don't speak, i don't explain, i sit and don't listen to music, to make any sort of meaning, i use it to stop from thought going in. To keep any going out. I use it as a firm wall to hold up and suspend any and all emotion in and or out of my perfect machign of cool, calm, and collected. No more late nights, sleep by 11, or even 12. Journal's are empty and untouched, blogger is just filled with simple, ugly, stupid words. I don't remeber each day, or what i did an hour ago, time passes with no consiption to me. I sit. I am. I was. i am, not any longer.

I stare at my walls, what is on there? Memories. Moments. Times i had with friends. What's the last memory put up there? Band camp.

Have i been dead that long? HAVE I? no no of course not...your lying to me.why would i do that?because you don't want the truth.. i mean i... i mean..lies aren't true.THEY AREcalm down relax, everything's going to be fine. you'll fix thiswhat is there to fix i don't see a follow through a next point..i don't eitherthen why are you telling me this?lies, i, you,i mean.. i.. you. lie.noo.. noo.. no we don't..
Look at yourself in the mirror.I am.Do you see anything?No.Then why are we still trying?Because...I lie.you said you didn't.i told you I LIE

Peppermint stick.. peppermint dick.. peppermint CLIT




I stare, i don't do, i sit, io don't move, i am, i don't see, you see right through me, i don't get what i want, because i don't lnow what i want anymore, i am nothing of what i used to be. NOTHING. and i doon't know where to pick up. were i even left off, i casn't pin point a spot, a breaking point, a final hit, i don't see you in the morning, i dpn't hear you at night, i don't rememeber what it was like... i'm pretending so well.

I don't eat.
I sleep.
I puke.
I cut.
Ghost.


That's my mind for today, or a while. I guess you'll know when it changes,

Goodnight i suppose blogger<3